My child wakes every night and comes to our bed. What can we do?
Night waking can leave everyone exhausted. Before trying a new technique, it helps to decide what you actually want to happen when your child wakes.
Short answer
Children wake briefly during the night just as adults do. The difficulty often lies in what they need in order to return to sleep.
Choose a response that fits your family and apply it calmly and consistently.
What may be happening
Your child may be seeking reassurance, repeating a learned pattern, responding to fear, or needing the same conditions they had when they first fell asleep.
The exact pattern matters: when they wake, what they do, and what adults do next.
What you can do
During the day, explain simply what will happen at night.
If your goal is for your child to return to their own bed, accompany them back with as little stimulation as possible. Keep lights low, words few, and the response predictable.
You can say:
“It’s nighttime. I’ll help you back to bed.”
“You’re safe. It’s time to sleep.”
If your family has consciously chosen another sleeping arrangement and it works for everyone, the goal does not need to be imposed from outside.
What to avoid
Avoid starting long conversations, games, or negotiations in the middle of the night. Also avoid changing the plan every night out of exhaustion if you are actively trying to establish a different pattern.
When to seek help
Speak to a health professional if waking is persistent and severe, there are concerns about breathing or unusual movements during sleep, your child seems to be in pain, or sleep is significantly affecting daytime functioning.
Tell Kora what a typical night looks like: how your child falls asleep, when they wake, where they go, and what you do. The pattern across the whole night matters.
