My child hits me when angry. What should I do?
Being hit by your child can trigger anger, fear, or the urge to react immediately. In that moment, two things matter at the same time: the emotion can be accepted; hitting cannot.
Short answer
Stop the hitting calmly and clearly. Protect yourself and anyone else nearby, without shaming your child.
You can say:
“You’re very angry. I won’t let you hit me.”
The message is not “you must not feel angry.” It is “you can be angry, and I will help you find a way through it without hurting anyone.”
What may be happening
Young children do not always have enough language or self-control to express intense anger differently. Hitting can appear when frustration is greater than the resources they have available in that moment.
That explains the behaviour; it does not mean accepting it.
What you can do
Move close enough to stop the action safely. Use a firm, low voice and few words. If necessary, create physical distance or move objects or other children out of reach.
Once your child is calmer, help put words to what happened:
“You were angry because I said we had to leave.”
“Next time you can tell me you’re angry, stamp your feet, or ask for help. You can’t hit.”
Repair also matters. If someone was hurt, help your child take part in making things right in a way that makes sense for the situation.
What to avoid
Avoid hitting back, humiliating, labelling them as aggressive or bad, or demanding an immediate apology while they are still overwhelmed.
It is also unhelpful to spend a long time explaining why hitting is wrong during the peak of the conflict.
If it keeps happening
Look for patterns. Does hitting appear mainly when you say no? Between siblings? During transitions? When your child is tired? What happens immediately after they hit?
These details help identify what skill or change may be needed.
When to seek help
Seek professional support if the aggression is frequent, intense, difficult to contain safely, causes significant injuries, or is seriously affecting family or school life.
Tell Kora about the last time your child hit: what happened just before, who was there, and how you responded. The sequence often tells us more than the hitting alone.
