Sibling jealousy: how can I help?

Jealousy between siblings can worry parents because it seems to contradict the affection we want them to feel for each other. But children can love a sibling and still struggle with sharing attention, space, or their place in the family.

Short answer

Do not shame jealousy. Help your child put words to what they feel while making it clear that hurtful behaviour is still limited.

What may be happening

A sibling can represent both companionship and competition. A child may be asking, in different ways: “Do I still matter to you?” or “Is there enough for me too?”

What you can do

Create moments of individual connection without presenting them as compensation. Notice each child for who they are rather than comparing achievements or behaviour.

You can say:

“Sometimes it's hard when I need to help your sister.”

“You can be angry with him. You can't hurt him.”

Let children have different needs without trying to make every detail exactly equal.

What to avoid

Avoid comparisons such as “look how well your brother does it” or asking a child to be “the big one” all the time.

Do not force them to deny jealousy or insist that they should feel lucky to have a sibling.

If jealousy becomes intense

Look at when it appears and what changes the child's access to adult attention or family roles. If aggression is frequent or family life is seriously affected, professional guidance may help.